Single Mom Life
Yep, I have four kids and I am single.
Being a single mom at age 38 is something I never thought would be a part of my fairytale dream when I was a young girl thinking of my future. But it's here and I can't change it, so I own it. The reality of my current life is something that comes and goes in waves of strength and then weakness, and then turned back around into strength once again. It's a weekly battle with myself to be the best mom I can be. I think, am I doing to much? Am I not doing enough? Are my kids harmed in some way because they have to go home after school with no mom waiting inside her clean home with freshly baked cookies? I mean let's get real, I didn't do that even when my first two were younger and I was a stay-at-home mom for the first seven years of their lives. This is the reality of the mind games us single moms fight as working moms. When the other "dance moms" stare you down because you were late again for carpool, or her hair wasn't done in the right freaking braid styling format. Yes, this is a real thing. Sometimes it just makes you so mad, or sad, or both. Luckily for me, I do have one of the best neighbors who helps with hair issues for dance, all the high fees for football each year, and many more surprises that make me feel blessed daily. It's all about finding beauty in our blessings and that is what gets me through some of the darkest shower cries ever. Sometimes that's the only place I can cry, a running shower so the kids don't hear mom's stress and pain. It's good for the soul though. I am glad I can own it. Get it over with, and then move on with the next day remembering I have a job and home, and go out and try again. I want everyone to know that I strive to just hop back up after I have a break down but this is not always achieved. Sometimes it takes all my family and friends who don't leave my side, even at my worst moments, to grab me and help lift me up and get me back on my feet again. It's my job to be humble enough to let others help me and my children without running myself into the ground and that's easier said than done. My mind has to be retrained daily, over and over again, to really find peace and happiness when I am feeling alone, stressed, or guilty for something. It's a constant amount of work to run an online business, run a creative department, and most importantly, to run my household full of growing emotional teens and preteens who are always changing moods. Yep, that's the hardest job of them all. Now let's meet the joy's of my life, and the ones who motivate me daily to be the best #Girlboss I can be.
Meet Taylor Pursley, age 18 (last name is from my first marriage). Taylor was born in Cali, and has basically grown up with me, since I had him at age 19 years old. He has always been so strong-willed and has done amazing things in his life. He just graduated from high school, and finished his first year of college at the University of Utah. He has recently moved away, back home to Cali where I was born and raised. He wants to get out of Utah and try new adventures, meet new people, and wait for it.....yep.... I just realized he is exactly like me. I did the same thing when I was seventeen years old. That's why I am freaking out a bit more than usual, because I was a free spirit and even though I respect it, I worry because I don't want him to go through what I did. At the same time I do want him to learn earlier rather than later, to help mold and shape him into the best man he can become. So, I cheer from the sideline just like I did for ten years as he played football. Basically, I have been a mess these past few months since he left. I know it's good for him and he wants to explore his options in life, but dang, I am feeling the pain because we are so close, and he brings me so much joy, but he's so far away. I know he needs to go soak up the world and I need to be strong and allow him to do so. One thing I have to share, figuring out your purpose when your kids leave....it's an interesting thing. More on those feelings of finding purpose as the chicks leave the barn on this post here. Taylor is awesome, and he's going to do great things because he can make friends with anyone, he's super smart, and has a smile that can melt anyone's heart.
Meet Austin Pursley, 17-years-old. My second son and the peacemaker of the family. The caretaker, and the kid who hasn't snuck out a window (knock on wood). Born in Cali, he has a face that looks like it should be on a billboard (I am his mom so I am biased), and makes everyone one laugh daily in our family. Yep, he plays football for Herriman High School, and just made it to state once again for throwing the javelin (I call it the stick thingy). He basically kicks butt, and works hard for it. His goal, to get a scholarship for Javelin throwing at some universtiy so I don't have to be stressed at finding money for his schooling (his words). He is a junior in high school currently, and is about to go into his senior year for 2019. He saved up his own money from working and bought himself his own car and then surprised me at home with the title and car waving his title in my face chanting "I am the only owner of a car in this house" LOL. He was feeling super proud of himself, as he should. I was a crying mess because he did it all on his own, didn't ask for help even buying it, and I was so freaking proud of him. He gets super embarrassed by me, but loves me for it. I am so blessed to have his peaceful and funny spirit in my house as he helps his single working mom daily. Love being his mom. Meet Austin, and yes, tell your teen girls he's taken right now.
Meet Charlie Clyde, 13 years old. Charlie is basically the kindest and funniest soul ever. He came to me from heaven after I had just lost a child at birth almost a year before he was born. Her name was Sunshine. She was 1 pound 4 oz. and her little heart was very sick. Too sick to live. She passed away. So, I was very nervous to have Charlie. The whole time I was pregos with him I cried a lot because I wanted him to live so badly. He came out perfectly healthy, and full of love. He has grown up to be such a giving kid to everyone in the house, and his friends. He hasn't wanted to play sports (trust me I tried at first since his older brothers loved it, and have done very well even into high school), but he's growing up to be his own gem. He is a big kid who has a heart like a teddy bear. He loves to play video games, create videos, play violin, and is awesome at school. He wins award after awards. I can't even keep up with him. Charlie does suffer from massive OCD. I struggle as a mom to learn what he's going through. I will write more on this and how we deal with it in our home in a later blog post. We, as a family, don't let this stop us. He's got a heart of gold and I am so happy to have him as my son. Meet Charlie. He's such a character.
Meet Lillee Clyde, 11 years old. This girl....ummm, she's a firecracker and the best little girl ever. After losing my first girl at birth, I was thrilled to have Lillee be born into my life. I was super nervous after finding out she was a girl. I didn't want to lose her, but she came out just as happy as can be, and healthy, for which I was so grateful. She was so good to me as a baby. She went with the flow of things around here. She has danced for many years (since she was three years old) until she just quit because mom couldn't keep up with her dance schedule and costs. Being a single mom, has limited some things my kids have been able to do. It sucks! But I don't let it get me down too much. I always try to remember that I can pay for them to live in a home in a neighborhood they love. I remind myself often of this. Lillee is full of creativeness. She is a little artist. She draws, paints and makes slime all day. She also makes "how to" slime videos. She loves it. She's so sweet and loves to help me clean the house because I work so often. She puts up with her big brothers throwing her around and tickling her all day. She is always learning new skills on YouTube, and makes all her friends laugh. Her smile and laugh are contagious and you can't help but smile as well when you meet her. I am so lucky to have a healthy daughter in my life. Meet Lillee Clyde.